so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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