Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
