you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
