the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Please don't give away my fajitas
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
