I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
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Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
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Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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