She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize