forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
