This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
