thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
