Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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