belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
