i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
