no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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