If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
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I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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