what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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