I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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