i barfeds in our rink
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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