There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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