I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
