so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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