In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
