I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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