Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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