guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
