I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
