How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
