we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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