this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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