Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
