I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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