It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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