I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
