Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
