I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
