I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
