Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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