6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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