he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
