I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
