a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
