ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
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I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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