32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
