Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm like, not good at living.
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