I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
