The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
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Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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