It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
