Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
