What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
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She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
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Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
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