You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
