Apparently you make a good broom.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
