if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
