I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
