i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
