He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
