Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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