I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
