Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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