i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
