I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
