I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
That's when you crack a 10am beer
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Randomize
