I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
