I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
