is your mom at the bar?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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