i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
