My nipple is on Facebook.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
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