I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
