i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
