Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
