If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
