Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
