I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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