She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
