I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
