I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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