I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
