I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
