Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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