I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
