you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
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Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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