I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
