i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
