Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
