Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
