Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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