I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
