Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
