Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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