tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
